We received orders yesterday; let the madness begin. Don't get me wrong, I'm VERY excited. Excited to move nearer to family. Excited to settle somewhere for longer than a year. Excited to see Eric start doing what he's been training to do for the last 13 months. I'm also outrageously overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the thought of packing my entire house and leaving by Oct. 12. Overwhelmed that we don't have a place to live in Jersey. Overwhelmed that, amidst all of this excitement, there's MORE--family will be here tomorrow to celebrate graduation. Yep, while my house is half-packed and my brain is half-fried by mental to-do lists a mile long.
But never fear, after years of waiting for me to figure it out myself, God gave me a swift kick in the pants this morning at Bible study.
Now to him that is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we can ask or think, according to the power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.... Ephesians 3:20-21
I first studied Ephesians 3:20-21 at the Iowa Youth Connection convention when I was in high school. The teaching was incredible and relevant and inspiring. Consequently, it's been my favorite verse since then. I loved the thought of God being able to do more than anything I could even wrap my mind around. To think that His plan for my life is so big that it wouldn't even fit in my head excited me. And the best part: not only CAN He do it, He is WILLING to...for me! That said, I realized this morning that I still unwittingly respond to God the same way the four-year-old me responded to my mom when she would offer to tie my shoes: "I do it myself!"
In short, as I contentedly listened to Priscilla Shirer talk about what I (before this morning) proudly referred to as my "all-time favorite verse", I reflected on how much time has passed since I first heard this verse and how amazing it is that it's still the one that speaks loudest to me. And two seconds after that I thought, wait a second, ...that's kinda pathetic! I immediately got a mental image of God laying Ephesians 3:20 on my heart at 14 years old and-- fast-forward 9 years-- banging His head against the wall because I still have yet to do anything with it. Therein lies my epiphany: God made that verse stick out to me at 14 for a reason! Shouldn't I have learned a lesson from it and moved on to another "all-time favorite verse" by now? I have marveled over God's power, His limitless love, His plan that is "exceedingly, abundantly beyond all that we can ask or think" for years. The realization of those truths moves me. I get that He is able. I get that He is willing. I get it. Logically, that is. But what about spiritually? I can wrap my mind around the fact that I can't wrap my mind around God's giant, amazing, perfect plan for me...but have I wrapped my heart around it? Have I truly internalized the fact that God is wanting, WAITING, to do "exceedingly, abundantly beyond..." for me? Clearly not, because here I am ripping my hair out at the thought of house-hunting and cleaning and packing and entertaining all at the same time; I haven't even thought to ask for something as simple as stress-relief, let alone a grand life plan. I'm humbled (and slightly ashamed) by my lacking faith in a season of life when I need it more than usual. How can I expect to receive the blessings God has in store for me-- the career paths, the relationships, the joy and security found only in His love-- if I can't even confidently hand Him my cardboard boxes and packing tape and ask him to make the way to New Jersey smooth?
It's amazing to me how many times we must fail at trying to do so much on our own before we truly hear God's standing offer to help and finally take him up on it. Sometimes it's a matter of not wanting to bother Him with the little things; we don't want to exhaust His almighty power with silly business...but get this! The book of Genesis tells us that God simply spoke the world into existence. But in Ephesians 3:20, Paul uses the Greek word "dutimous" to refer to God's power, meaning explosive or dynamic. THAT is "the power that is at work within us"-- explosive, dynamic power. Where am I going with this? God merely talked to form the world...but He has dynamite power ready for you and I to tap into at any time. ANY time. For ANYthing. Power to pack boxes. Power to enjoy the moment despite that to-do list. Do you get it? God has given us more of His power and energy than He Himself exerted in creating the entire world. Further than that, He expects us to use it, all the time. He numbered the hairs on our heads, people (Matthew 10:30)--every little thing that concerns us, concerns God, too. This morning I FINALLY got it through my thick, stubborn head: my packing isn't too insignificant for God. Neither is my fear that I'll let stress overtake what should be a wonderful weekend with family. He cares about these things because I care about these things, and He will use that dynamite power to bust through all of these obstacles as soon as I ask. So I'm going to go do that...and while I'm at it I think it's about time I apologize for His wicked headache.
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