Well, we're all moved in! The new place is beautiful, and after a year in Del Rio I'm still in a bit of shock over how much shopping is less than five miles from our front door! HomeGoods, Pottery Barn, clothing stores, and Starbucks! Mmmm, Vanilla Rooibos lattes. Needless to say, I may need to find a job sooner than later...
As Eric has been away since the beginning of the month, I've spent most of my time organizing and unpacking. (He left 5 days after move-in!) I can't wait to have him back so we can explore the area together. So far, I've found a great church, connected with the spouses group, and can navigate to all the essentials sans GPS. With amazing farmer's markets, outlet malls (with tax-free clothing shopping in NJ!!), Space A trips to Europe, and Philadelphia and NYC easily accessible, the next three years are guaranteed to hold a lot of fun!
With all the excitement of change, however, comes a healthy dose of stress. After a crazy couple months that included the end of UPT, graduation, and moving, Eric had to find the extra energy and stamina for a month of 'round-the-clock intense training in WA. I have had to unpack, get organized, and do all the ancillary tasks involved in establishing our life here on my own. Ah, the military life! For me, the magnitude of it all is starting to sink in. I'm sure several years and several moves from now my reaction to such chaos will more closely resemble that of the "all-in-a-day's-work" variety. As I experience more, I truly do admire the seasoned military wives who make these and more difficult adjustments so gracefully--and they do so with kids! For me, and for now, I've allowed myself to be overwhelmed for a minute. As someone who likes to be the best at everything I do, it has taken me a moment to be okay with not feeling 100% awesome and emotionally on top of it through all of the madness; I'd rather just handle it like someone who's done it 12 times already. The reality is I am inexperienced, so no one (but myself) is expecting me to handle it like a pro (and if they are, well, sorry to disappoint). Allowing myself to feel what I feel: Coping Skill #1. Exercise--Coping Skill #2. Whether it's the endorphins, or the complete, mind-clearing focus on physical exertion, working out really helps me feel like I can tackle the day with a positive, motivated attitude. Aside from the obvious health benefits, the improved body image is a nice bonus, too. Writing-- Coping Skill #3. Indulgent? Maybe; you decide. Helpful? Yep. So, if you're bored, feel free to stop reading.
Things I've learned in the last month:
-- Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. (Not that I wasn't quite fond before.)
-- We have too much stuff. (I can't imagine what adding kids will be like...)
-- I really don't like hanging things. (Thank goodness I have a handy husband.)
-- Beginnings are hard (but not impossible).
I've also learned--or more accurately, I'm still learning--where personal happiness comes from. And am I ever thankful I'm learning this one early! As a newlywed, it's easy and comfortable and oh-so-seemingly-romantic to wrap oneself up in her spouse, putting him at the top of her world. And to a certain extent it's pretty natural, and certainly common. Furthermore, for most, this can go on until one or both parties falls from Newlywed Cloud Nine and into what the marital vets call Life After The Honeymoon Phase. Not so in the military marriage; the lifestyle often requires that said pedestal-ed spouse be temporarily removed from your everyday existence. Before you have a chance to fall from newlywed heaven. Immediately after moving to a new town. Buh-bye, excitement/happiness/insert-positive-emotion-here. (Note: This is not to say that non-mil couples don't grow out of the "you complete me, you are my whole world" phase. I'm merely suggesting that this particular lesson is one that I would guess a lot of military couples learn earlier as a result of the chosen lifestyle.) Through this I'm learning that my husband, while I may feel him deserving of it, cannot be my #1. It should not and cannot be his responsibility to be the be-all, end-all of my daily life; can you say pressure?! While I've logically understood it for quite a long time, I've just begun feeling the necessity for God to be in that position in order to experience the contentedness, joy, and stress-free warm fuzzies that I enjoy in my husband's company. I will even go so far as to say that I thought I was putting God first--only to have it revealed to me that this is, in fact, not the case. To be clear: While I'm genuinely thankful for the opportunity to grow, I do not like this revelation. I do not like it at all. In all of our cutesy marital bliss, it is a total buzz-kill to take my unyielding focus off of Eric and hold him second to He who cannot hold my hand or kiss me goodnight. But alas, this is what is expected of me as a believer. It is hard, and it is definitely not an overnight shift. Which brings me to the next life lesson: how do I go about growing spiritually when I don't necessarily want to grow in that area, but know I need to? (Because let's be real, initially we like where we are better sometimes. I like putting Eric first; it's easy. And for right now, it's as fulfilling as I know "fulfilling" to be in some ways.) I've found the answer through a comment in passing made by a fellow military spouse I admire very much. Coincidentally, it's the same bit of biting wisdom my mom used to offer when I complained that I didn't like to do a particular chore: "Lucky for you, 'liking' it isn't a requirement; you don't have to like it, you just have to do it." Said another way, don't wait for emotions to motivate action; rather, take action to motivate emotion. Now I know there's some psychological study somewhere that discusses which of the two actually comes first, action or emotion. Regardless, in this case, I believe the following statement to be true: when you do what you know you're supposed to do, you'll eventually feel the way you're supposed to feel. I've lost count of how many life factors to which this truth applies--exercise, relationships, eating right, spiritual growth-- and yet, it's pervasiveness doesn't necessarily make it easier to implement. Thank God for prayer.
Along with all of this really heavy--valuable, but heavy--stuff, there are a few upsides to TDYs and deployments. First, the opportunity to grow as an individual. When you're left with only yourself all day, everyday, there's a lot of time to explore areas to improve and there is no one around to use as a distraction or an excuse. This can mean deep personal growth (see above) or simply seeking out a new hobby or passion. The latter is often initially motivated by the desire to keep busy while the hubby is away, but can end up serving the immediate personal purposes while adding a lot to the relationship later, as well. Case in point: I've really enjoyed making up new recipes, but want to learn more, so we're taking up cooking lessons! Also, it seems that TDYs and deployments come at just the right time. You know, that week that you're just irked by every little stupid thing: he forgot to take the garbage out again, he's chewing too loudly, you really do not want to watch the Military channel or the History channel. Just as you're getting on each others' nerves, poof! He's gone, and suddenly it's like you're in a long-distance dating relationship again! You can't seem to talk to each other enough, you're flirty and lovey and sweet on the phone, and there's the promise of an uber-romantic date night immediately upon his return. Yep, definitely looking forward to that date...and I kinda miss the loud chewing, too. :)
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