The tree is up, the house is decorated (and nearing completely unpacked status!), and the Christmas season is in full swing. There's a lot to look forward to this year, too. Tomorrow is the squadron Christmas party--our first ever "real Air Force" function! (After a year in the transient training world, it's exciting to be included in the "Permanent Party Club".)
We're also really looking forward to going home for Christmas, even if only for two days. (Yea, two. Not including the 24 hours of driving involved. We might be insane.) We love our new home, our new town, etc., but not having established relationships here yet makes the the idea of spending the holidays with family even more exciting.
I think everyone struggles with something, especially after a big move. For some, it's getting organized or lacking routine; for others, it's finding purpose in a new place. For me, it's establishing relationships. Okay, maybe I struggle with all of those things, but relationships are the hardest. Much unlike my social butterfly pilot (who also has a built-in social network of sorts), I'm terrible at it. I always have been. (If you haven't caught the hint, this is about to get very vulnerable; there, you've been warned.) Despite what many people perceive, I am extremely self-conscious and socially insecure. Especially when it comes to making girl friends. I want to have friends who understand me, who enjoy spending time with me, who come to me when they need someone to talk to. And I hate being new, so I want these BFFs right away. But in all of my "please get me!" nervousness, I go about earning this comradery by talking too much, sharing too soon, and totally freaking people out (or so it seems). Once I'm good and misunderstood, I proceed to guess the impression I made and analyze every social interaction ad nauseum until I am even more unsure of my likeability and no closer to having friends. Ugh; it's exhausting. All this lonely new kid business makes me so thankful for my family, my deep friendship with my husband and for the few close friends God has blessed me with. Not only do I value those relationships so much, but they also help me to know that, despite what I assume others' initial opinions of me may suggest, I actually do have a lot to offer a friend. (See, I told you I over-analyze.)
Dear Santa, I will practice not being a socially awkward weirdo if you will please bring me some friends for Christmas. Preferably ones who don't put all their eggs in the first impression basket; I sometimes need lots of do-overs.
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