Sorry it's been so long since I've posted; it's been a busy few months.
For a few weeks now, I've seen this article floating around. I have to say, while I kind of understand what this girl is talking about, I find her responses snarky, inappropriate, and unfair. However, it also made me think seriously about the way I react to the comments she lists and I stand convicted. Take a minute to read it, see what you think. I'll wait.
With only a few trips under our belt and our first deployment just now upon us, some may find me under-qualified to speak on this subject. #1, those people are entitled to their opinion, #2, while we've not been through several deployments, I have still been on the receiving end of several of these and similar comments after simply telling someone my husband is in the military. The common responses I get in military-related conversation are, "oh, so how long has your husband been in the army?" "Only 3 months?! That's nothing!" and the very popular, "oh yea, my husband goes away for business all the time, I understand/it's not that different/etc."
While it's easy and perhaps even natural for my blood pressure to rise upon hearing the last two especially, I have to remember how little the general public knows about our lifestyle. Furthermore, I cannot and should not expect them to know because, brace yourselves, the Earth does not revolve around me. Or the military. On one hand, that person could be trying to make me feel better by trying to make me feel not so different. And sure, I have gotten the occasional tone that clearly suggested I was being ridiculous for thinking my situation felt different than the norm. I could spend 20 minutes explaining to them that, while my husband only leaves for 3 months at a time, his tempo will add up to at least 260 days away from home per year, every year, until needs of the military change or until he gets transferred to a different job. (In the spirit of transparency: I've done this. Several times. In hindsight, it probably sounded like the pity party of the century.) I could justify all the ways in which I feel that sending your husband off to the desert for 3 months and sending him to California for 3 weeks are vastly different. But what's the point of going through all that? To get them to feel sorry for me? What about forcing that down their throats is going to serve me well or make me look like a dignified human being?
More to the point, I find that the vast majority of the responses and comments that this young lady lists come out of a very pure and genuine desire to say something respectful and sympathetic. As such, they do not deserve the attitude she fires back at them. What is so offensive about someone saying, "wow, you must miss him," or "how do you do it, I don't think I could." Please, ladies, think about how much you knew about the military before you married into it. If, like me, you didn't grow up around it, you probably would have said the same things. It is only natural for people to use their own experiences as a filter for understanding yours. If the goal of this article is to educate and inform so as to not feel so misunderstood, she took the wrong approach. If I had read this 4 years ago, before I could identify with the author, I would have felt resentful that my well-meaning comments were so ungraciously received without the benefit of the doubt. Such a reaction only alienates us further and paints us in a very pretentious, entitled light. I've always felt that no one has the right to demand respect; respect is earned. This article demands respect (along with an unreasonable depth of understanding) on behalf of all military wives and does so in a very disrespectful way. I, for one, do not want to be one of the wives she speaks for.
I know several of us have that voice in our heads when we read articles like this. The one that says, "Yea! You tell 'em!" But please, before you allow that to take over, think about what message you're sending. These comments come from uninformed and mostly well-meaning people. Do you want them to learn that we are a gracious, humble group of supportive women or do you want to educate them to believe that we're entitled and bitter that we don't get the respect our service members do? Furthermore, think of the veteran spouses you know: how do you think they respond to comments like these? I don't know about you, but the attitude I read in the author's tone and the initial feeling I feel when reading it are both fairly immature and hot-headed. I've been fortunate enough to meet many "career spouses" and I can think of very few, if any, who would respond in the way this young lady did.
And for the comments and responses she listed that are CLEARLY hateful/ignorant/just downright ridiculous and rude, I would bet that anyone bold enough to say such things probably makes poor choices about a lot of things that come out of their mouths. It's probably not a unique phenomenon and therefore has little to do with the military family situation: let's not dignify it with a response.
No comments:
Post a Comment